callyjournal

September 7, 2001

The autumn is my favourite time of year; a time for new beginnings. Kids in Canada are all back in school; the theatre season begins and I am energized by the cooler temps which are also a reminder that it will soon be time to rake the reds, oranges and yellows that are just beginning to splatter the green lawns. Once the backyard tea-house screen windows are boarded up it will be time to look inward. Fall housecleaning will start and will hopefully be complete before the first snowfall insists that I get out there with a shovel. The seasons of life continue their cycle with a comforting regularity each season presenting me with tasks; some more pleasurable than others.

How traumatic is the autumn of life? Do the leaves cry when they leave the branch and fall to the ground to be stepped upon, raked and disposed of? Does the branch miss the departing leaves and yearn for their return? Does the tree, standing alone and bare in winter's most cruel harshness, question what it is all about?

Or is teacher tree serving its greatest purpose by demonstrating to mere mortals that the value & beauty of each season is unique; the certainty that one season is followed by another. And in deepest winter when it appears the tree is abandoned, cold and forlorn in truth it is merely resting, gathering strength, endurance, wisdom in preparation for rebirth.

The wheel of life ..........as I sit here this morning drinking in the beauty of the woods I am reminded once again that it is the journey that counts; the journey is all, the journey is endless.

September 12, 2001............America under attack

Yesterday I knew I was in shock. Today I don't know if I am still in shock or not. This probably means that I am.

Vulnerability.

Grief.

Sadness.

Anger.

Fear.

These are a few of the emotions I feel. I know that working through these emotions will be a process.

Someone near and dear to me is an airline pilot.......what if?

How often have I spent time flying and felt safe.......what if?

How often have I visited office towers and felt safe.......what if?

How often have I wandered shopping malls and felt safe........what if?

How often and for how long will I process the events of yesterday.

Where will I rediscover the safety.......

I know it still exists within myself. I also know that at this moment it is hiding beneath a large measure of vulnerability.

Of course the vulnerability is not new to me either.

It's "old stuff" that has been hiding beneath a large measure of "safe feelings".

And now the two; vulnerability which is based in fear

and safe feelings which are based in love

are trying to co-exist within me. This is not a peaceful co-existence.

The power of love, the power of one is, in my view, the most powerful of powers.

Knowing this is a comfort.

This knowledge assures me that the balance sought will be found within me.........but first, I must go through the process of loving and healing my own fear, my vulnerability.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou are with me."

The death of an illusion is mourned by me.

It is natural to offer resistance to change......

How have the changes that have occurred in my world affected the changes that are transpiring within me?

We are all one. This is something I know.

But sometimes , like now, I have difficulty recognizing this.

I am the perpetrator. I am the victim. I am the observer.

All these things are aspects of my self that I need to examine.

I cannot attack the "specks" in the eyes of others unless and until I am courageous enough to remove the plank from my own eye and recognize that but for the grace of God go I.

I am Christian because I was born into a Christian home.

Was this by luck? by chance? by fate? by design?

If I had been born into a different religion...

would I not be the same soul?

Ghandi said, "I am Hindu".

Ghandi said, "I am Moslem".

Jesus said, "I am that I am".

I say I am Hindu; I am Moslem; I am Buddhist; I am Jewish; I am Sufi; I am Christian; I am Protestant; I am Catholic; I am Quaker; I am First Nations; I am.........

We are one. We are connected. We are all God's children.

I am all of these things or I am none of these things.

All gods are one God.

All people are one people.

My race is the human race.........what are we doing to each other?

"Forgive them, they know not what they do.".........Jesus

My home is the planet earth........Mother earth is crying.

But I am a spiritual being having this human experience.

This human experience is a path of learning and I must ask myself what I have learned.

So many souls suddenly murdered.......why?

This is a difficult process in my journey.

I have much to learn about these aspects of my self that seek integration, peace, understanding.

Tomorrow today will be yesterday.

Now is forever.

"Teach only love for that is what you are".......Louise Hay

"Love those that hate you"............Jesus

"Hear the sound of one hand clapping".......Buddha

It's all about choice.

I pray we will not compound the evil.

I pray we will overcome this evil with good.

September 14, 2001

A journal entry by Mindy Mackay

Dear Cally, Recently you posted my poems on to one of your sites, thank you sooo much.

I wrote a poem while sitting at work last night. I work with American ATT customers and all of a sudden...during one quiet point late last night I broke into silent tears thinking of the ravage of what happened in the United States on September 11th. My heart hurt so badly.

I wrote this at work as I cried and my coworkers thought I had lost my sanity...could you please share this with others on the site? I want to share my emotion.

I have also attached a letter at the end of the poem. I would also like to post it if that is all right.........Blessings to you, Minn.

LOVE HEALS

Hatred kills and Love does heal

Manifesting in those who open themselves

To accept the responsibility of each

Though Hatred breeds with blame

Directing fault to other avenues

Love accepts the most brutal truth

And thrives on understanding

Easy it is to point the finger

Hard it is to take the fall and heal

With Hatred comes the blisters that remain open

Until Love is allowed to heal the wounds

With Understanding, Emotion and Care

We sometimes do not understand our own pain

Our lives and feelings make no sense

We, as humans, fear what we do not know

And quite easily fear turns to hate.

It is our CHOICE to love

It is our CHOICE to remain closed and afraid

But opening the mind and opening the heart

Allows us to grow, move forward

And make the world a more tolerable place

For our children, our aunts, our fathers

For everyone to follow in time

Act out against the pain!

Act out against the hate!

Feel, breathe and be a part of influence

Let us stand in Love rather than battle the wars of fear

Let us dine together rather than plot revenge

Let us fight for FREEDOM

Freedom of expression and equality

Of speech and religion

Stand proud and with Love, stand straight

Let us not hurt each other any longer!

Let us pray for lives lost in hatred

And bow onto our knees for peace

Hate be gone and Love comes freely.

.............Mindy Mackay

September 14, 2001

I write with a heavy heart today after the events that I am sure everyone has heard of and/or witnessed a hundred times over by their local news. I write with fear in my heart for the American country, North America, the world and humankind. I look around me and I see hatred breeding faster than the minds can think. I see revenge in people's eyes. I see pure unadulterated fear and confusion.

There is nothing that can explain what the world is feeling right now in terms of shock and sorrow.

I could not bring myself to write. I talked online with a few of my closest friends, as well as had one friend come to my home to help me get through the day without having a slight breakdown in front of my daughter. I called in to work and took the day off on September 11th...I could not handle a customer speaking to me about this over the phone company line with which I work because I felt that I may have broken down at my job. Mind you, I am not American. I do not know anyone involved in those events that took so many lives. But yesterday I cried, not understanding how a human could take so many lives recklessly with no regard even to his own life.

There is much pain all throughout the world and there are many prayers. But one thing that I do stay strong on is that we cannot hate for what happened. Friends, look within your heart. That is where the pain originates from. I, myself, fight not to hate those that were a part of those murders yesterday as revenge upon a nation. Hatred is a very strong emotion and a very strong word. We just do not understand how a person (or people) could do this. We do not understand how anyone could view this a religious act of revenge. We do not understand how anyone could have such a lack of respect for life and the lives of others.

But we must not hate.

Hatred breeds hatred. That is what started all this. And influence determined yesterday's outcome of events. We, as humans, feel sorrow so deep, and we misunderstand so deeply. We do not know why these people actually did this. We do not know what they felt they were achieving because we are not them. It is only when the whole world puts aside their hatred that this will stop.

I am not agreeing that yesterday was right. In fact, I struggle to stop my own hatred from pouring free. Myself, I want to see these people caught that influenced these vicious attacks. Deep down, I want to see them punished severely. But when I peer deeper into my heart all I find is that I just want to understand why. I want to see what in their life has brought them to this point where their views and actions have become so vengeful.

But more than anything right now, more than anything for the future, I do not want to see any more pain from hatred. I do not want to see any more lives taken. That is what I find when I journey into my soul.

Please join me on a path of understanding, of prayer. Hold hands and have unity as a nation, as a planet. As friends and not enemies.

We may never fully understand the reason so many lives were taken. I think that even the people that did this did not even really know why they were doing it. They just did it. They had reasons....but there is really no good reason for what happened.

Therefore there is no understanding.

Blessings to you all. We have been witness to what humankind is capable of. Murder. As humans, let us walk the much stronger and harder path

of love and understanding,

of kindness.

My prayers are with all of you.

.......Mindy Mackay.

September 15, 2001

Is peace on earth an unreasonable hope and expectation?

Even in families because certain members have values, viewpoints that are perhaps different one from another there is trauma.

Even among friends disagreements, different viewpoints cannot be acknowledged, respected and there is trauma.

Right/wrong; black/white ........if even in families and among friends the shades of grey cannot be accepted, respected and learned from; common ground found how can we expect our larger world family to get along?

Can we all be less concerned about being right......and more concerned with being loved and loving?

If not, then what hope is there for our world?

If ever there was a time for family and friends to put aside minor differences and to draw closer together in love that time is now.

We are all different........

We are all the same............PLEASE STOP THE HATE

Until each person on this earth is willing to remove the plank from his eye and have compassion, understanding, respect for the specks in the eyes of others.......the war will continue.

The war between Love and Fear.

The war between Good and Evil.

Was this, do you think, God's plan?

The tiny light of one candle dispels the darkness.

Tiny lights are flickering throughout our world.........

The Light of Love Surrounds us.

God gave each of us free will.

I pray we choose wisely.

To love one another sounds simple.

It is not always easy to be simple, is it?